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Can I let my experience be what it is without trying to change it?
Can I let my experience be what it is without trying to change it?
Report from Michael:
Report from Michael:
I started to have another syncopal episode this morning while I was meditating with Mukti and Adyashanti online during the Sunday Community Practice. I felt it as an energetic shift from the ground of being arising to sort of “swallow up” first my emotional center (heart) and then my thinking mind.
I started to have another syncopal episode this morning while I was meditating with Mukti and Adyashanti online during the Sunday Community Practice. I felt it as an energetic shift from the ground of being arising to sort of “swallow up” first my emotional center (heart) and then my thinking mind.
This time, though, I was able to mitigate the overwhelment by holding the experience in awareness with curiosity which allowed conscious participation in the experience without the blood draining from my brain. I also bent over at the waist to keep the blood flowing to my brain just in case .
The experience passed rather quickly after that, but I was left with a feeling of greater spaciousness, quiet, and peace than I’ve felt in a good while. Baby steps into letting go completely, I guess, and evidence that spirit is moving in ways that are beyond the limitations of my conditioned mind.
It’s worth noting that there was little to no fear of the darkness or emptiness during this experience, which is a welcome change from previous encounters of bumping up against the ground.
Adya always says it’s more important to question your answers than to answer your questions. So I wrote out a few questions last Monday to use for the purpose of inquiry:
• What is my response going to be to this unavoidable aspect of life, i.e. suffering?
• Can I let my experience be what it is without trying to change it?
• Can I accept the impermanent nature of life and that there are situations and circumstances in life that I can do nothing about?
Rather than trying to answer the questions, I’ve been holding them as open-ended inquiries to see what arises. This has created some spaciousness around my experience, loosening up that contraction into the limited perspective of the separate self.
RESPONSE:
Thank you for this report. I love all the open questioning. Allowing life to unfold in spaciousness. "spirit is moving in ways that are beyond the limitations of my conditioned mind." This is the truth. Spirit is absolutely moving in ways that are beyond the mind's limits.
Remaining curious and present during the "swallowing up" experience is an act of great courage and surrender. A willingness beyond reason. I bow to that. And I'm so glad that you are now left with greater peace and spaciousness. And no more head wounds!
Much Love
Reflection on Contemplation #2 , "coming home for liberation"
Reflection on Contemplation #2 , "coming home for liberation"
Sharing from Barb:
Last night I sat with this contemplation, dropping in to see what came up, before an emotion was named. Attention immediately was in the belly, with a sense of great unsettling and gripping. “As-is-ness” gave way to deep relaxation, openness, space and, just as quick as could be, the sensations were freed in the presence of love. Thoughts then came in …amazement, “it’s that simple??”, obviously was fear….
I had listened to a video of Sharon’s, the day before, that just popped up out of nowhere and resonates:
“ The contraction comes with the identification with what comes up. Liberation comes from staying with whatever it is and letting it go….no identity, no personal relationship, just a rising in awareness, coming home for liberation. No grasping, no location, no position, no identity… That’s the reality of it.”
One of Adya’s pointers, from a long time ago, suggests starting with the easier experiences and building on those. As you say, “Closing the gaps.” An earlier experience, with Pat that day, was so reactive, there was no “time” to be, as attention, in the body. I was tired, not present to the right here, right now and angry words just fell out of my mouth. This occurred in a nonjudgmental, impersonal manner and even here, there was no attachment to or movement to carry the anger any further…it just dissolved. In the past, it would have resulted in some form of resentment and retaliation.
RESPONSE:
Thank you for sharing this beautiful discovery. And for lending yourself to the deep dive. Very sincere sharing. Thank you. Dissolution and liberation naturally occurring as we give-way, and are able to BE AS IS.
Intuition and "responsive immediacy"? What are we talking about?
Intuition and "responsive immediacy"? What are we talking about?
This question came forward in a conversation between Jim and I during retreat. I deeply enjoy the contemplation of words and the myriad of ways to language the ineffable. So here it goes!:
Intuition: "the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning." Beyond conceptualization. And the word "immediate" is within the definition. So, perhaps this is the word to describe the function within the body/mind that reflects SOURCE's omnipotence? Synonyms are: instinct, second-sight, sixth sense, inkling. Perhaps intuition is the Soul/Spirit's way of communicating?
Immediacy: "The quality of bringing one into direct and instant involvement with something, giving rise to a sense of potentiality or excitement." Synonyms include: in the presence of, in the company of, nearness, togetherness, availability, colocation. This is nearer to the experience here. It is beyond having an ability. Its "direct and instant", as the moment always is. And there is the flavor of total intimacy, communion, and availability.
Responsive: "reacting quickly and positively". Quickly as in unthinkingly. Which is not to say without Presence, as in unconsciously. But rather, beyond being thoughtful or thoughtless. Reacting can also be synonymous with "answering". As in satisfying, meeting, fulfilling.
It is really fun to steep attention in this inquiry.
What words point to the experience of the Formless becoming/begoing as form in this moment? How do you describe the moment experienced instantly and directly without the mediation of concepts? Is there something essential to experience that is beyond and before intuition? What is fundamentally, ever presently available?
Much Love and Gratitude,
Jennifer
Mysticism
By Farid ud-Din Attar
(1120? - 1220?). English version by Coleman Barks
The sun can only be seen by the light
of the sun. The more a man or woman knows,
the greater the bewilderment, the closer
to the sun the more dazzled, until a point
is reached where one no longer is.
A mystic knows without knowledge, without
intuition or information, without contemplation
or description or revelation. Mystics
are not themselves. They do not exist
in selves. They move as they are moved,
talk as words come, see with sight
that enters their eyes. I met a woman
once and asked her where love had led her.
"Fool, there's no destination to arrive at.
Loved one and lover and love are infinite.”
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At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
T.S. Elioit
What does the rose mean to you?
What does the rose mean to you?
RESPONSE:
The rose heart unfolded Here when the Divine Mother (beyond, beyond, beyond any notion of gender) rose up and unfolded into consciousness and the body. Shakti Ma, the Queen of Heaven, Kali Ma, the Power of Creation, returned this particular life to LOVE. "I" went home to the Mother's arms. She literally ate "me" alive, burned down the house, reduced the personal self to ash and rebirthed the "I" as a servant of SHE who rises, who dances the Universe into and out of existence in every Holy Instant. The experience, which is timeless, was fierce and total. The reflection of this experience is THE ROSE. The heart of the Mother. The heart of Matter.
Paradox
Paradox
Hey Jen,
Thank you for your talks/meditations that include the body. Very
helpful. Super fascinating about "Sangha illness" n how many even in
last night's group are experiencing body illness.
I find several things happening very recently
* An awareness of how much I operate in ego...still.
* An awareness of the idea of "no separation"...as only conceptual, and
tenuous, at that. No experience of it. Still feels like maybe my
intellect is "thinking", "yeah, of course"...but still it feels distant
and foggy.
* Looping through the many paradoxes and getting bogged down in them
(and in my analytical/thinking mind).
That's where I am today. And in the egoic place of FOMO (fear of
missing out). Like I'm the only one not getting it. Which I know is
ridiculous...but present.
Cherrie
Hey hey Cherrie,
Thanks for the updates. I haven't had time to respond to all of them. But I appreciate them. It really contributes to the flow of the teaching to hear from people.
I"m really glad that you are resonating with the body meditations.
Having awareness of the ego's process, paradox, glimmers of unity (even if its through concepts)........sounds like the Soul is saying "hi there Sweetheart".
Analysis and intellectual knowing only go so far. Useful tools for sure. But too limited to be of use in the realms of non-duality and True (as in essential) Nature. Paradox is the name of the game. Infinite consciousness appearing AS unique, individual expression. Infinite and finite. Unchanging changingness. Dynamic Stillness. It can only be experienced. It can't really be languaged.
The dear, innocent egoing will always feel like its going to miss out. It is not fundamental. It doesn't have to exist for existence to be experienced. So it will always feel vulnerable, on shaky ground.
What/Who is this "I" that is, as you say, "operating in ego"?
Love,
Jen
Reflection on "Playing with attention"
Reflection on "Playing with attention"
Thank you for this inquiry. I found it such a good path leading to the distinction between attention versus awareness. I started off with lists of where I usually give my attention (list making being one of them!). I saw that a lot of my attention goes to drama and the emotions they provide (reading books, watching those PBS series, focusing on the difficulties being experienced by family and friends). Shifting my “attention” to the place of “I don’t know” caused me to pause. And in that pause I saw that I don’t spend much time in that place. My mind is all too quick to find answers to the “I don’t knows”. But thinking about that moment of waking up each day, which for me is always a joyful one, brought me to actually get the difference between attention and awareness: attention is what the mind focuses on , but awareness just is, ever present, neutral. And that awareness, life itself, is full of enough awe to overshadow any created drama.
I look forward to exploring the next inquiry.
Love,
Mary
RESPONSE:
good morning. What a beautiful discovery and shift! To consciously, directly realize that awareness beyond attention and focused mind is the eternal ground of life itself. It is. Thank you! For sharing what was revealed, for your willingness to explore and dive, and for shifting your attention to "I don't know". The more we give our attention to Awareness, the more the fundamental ever-present blooms into consciousness and begins living the life. Living the life AS awe.
Much Love
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